The best new response!

Learning, growing and blooming! Always always 👏🏼🙌🏼🌱🌿💐🌻🌼🌸🌺
Recently I have fallen in love with learning how to say “I don’t know?” Anyone else?! It’s one of my favorite responses now.
“I don’t know?”

This answer usually highlights an area I need to grow in or learn more about. More powerfully it can release me from the responsibility of needing to have the answer. It allows a pause in any given situation. In a culture of “I want it now” the “I don’t know” answer slows things down long enough for us to think before we speak. Anyone else guilty of speaking before thinking?

Sometimes no response is us agreeing silently, an “I don’t know” vocalizes our uncertainty but neither places in agreement or disagreement. It says “I don’t have to be right” and “I do not need to have all the answers”.

 
Friends! Their is freedom in the “I don’t know”. Try it. I think you’ll like it

xx,

Dawnya

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Look for the evidence

Look for the evidence mamas.

They may scream and cry and possibly hit or throw things. They may not litsten and glare at you. The days get cloudy sometimes but look for the evidence of truth.

You may find it in a smile, a giggle, a hug or a gentle “mommy you ok?” As you bury your head in your hands with tears streaming down your face. Look for the evidence that says your doing a good job. Look for the evidence that says your more than enough. Look for the evidence that says you are a good mom. Not perfect. But good.

Look for it friend. The evidence is there. I am sure of it. Today I’m looking for it and I found it in his smile and his snotty nose which he affectionately rubbed on my cheek because he wanted to be close.

 

xx,

Dawnya

|Stay at home Mama to three busy boys|

You Belong Here

You Belong Here.
These words filled my heart and mind last Saturday evening and they are still making my heart pause and take note.
Last Saturday evening I went to a high class restaurant for dinner to celebrate my Mama in laws birthday. The kind of restaurant where you only hear the faint sounds of conversations and silverware wrestling in the background. Where the waitstaff are in suit and ties, the place setting is that of off a movie scene and the price of a steak is not questioned because you know it is going to be good.
High class restaurant and I wore ripped jeans. Ripped?

I felt beautiful ten minutes ago when we left the hotel room? What had changed?

An uneasiness settled over me with every passing guest dressed in a gown and slacks. My head started to fall, my eyes slowly found there way to the floor. Every smile shown my way I questioned.

“Right this way” the hostess lead and my heart grew more anxious.

Seated at our table with the most elegant place stettings my eyes still found it hard to make eye contact with the staff. Embarrassed by my ripped jeans and jean jacket a napkin was gently placed in my lap and I felt undeserving.
But then I herd His voice in my heart as clear as my father speaking encouragement into my deepest fears…

“You Belong Here.”

I looked up. As if I was looking for him to be standing there before me. And I smiled as I herd him say again but a bit gentler this time. “You Belong here.”

I felt my shoulders relax and my smile return. My head rose and my eyes no longer grazed the floor.

I belonged. No one had told me otherwise. I had decided it for myself. In my own thoughts. Wrapped up in my own fears and feelings of unworthiness I decided I did not belong.

“You Belong Here.”

That’s all it took. One word of truth and I was free. Free from shame. Free from worry. Free from fear.

May seem small but lies usually begin small. They are just as dangerous small as they are fully formed.

So the next time you find yourself shrinking back, looking down, convincing yourself your unworthy or even unwanted, stop and remind yourself, “You Belong Here”.

You absolutely Belong Here.

xx

Dawnya

My destiny in three little piles

Just gushing over these little piles of cloths. Who knew I’d be a mommy to three little men? Not I. But God knew. I’m sure he laughed when my high school self declared “no way, I do not want children.”…then I imagine He smiled when my heart changed to, “Well, maybe if* I meet the right guy.” And then I imagine he nodded his head in approval He knit my heart to Bryan’s.

And then he waited.

God is never in a hurry and He is crazy patient. If you want to know His heart and His plan for you He’s a gentleman. He won’t force you. But if you ask Him. If you seek Him He is so incredibly faithful to talk to you and show you what He’s got for you. And when we listen. When we go where He wants us to go, do what He wants is to do, be who He wants us to be. Well, you just might find yourself to be a mommy of three. That’s what happened to me. His plan is so so good. More extravagant than I could have ever imagined. And the best is still to come. 277CCF8F-AEFA-43E3-8441-B27B92CA49C6

The redbuds are blooming

I miss you today. Today would’ve been the perfect day to take you on a drive. Grief is a difficult emotion. It’s sneaky. Some days it takes your breath away when you are least expecting it.

Like today.

Redbuds were one of your favorites. Driving on the freeway and I saw a redbud tree in the distance blooming. Beautiful with a purple hue. I never understood why it’s called a redbud. And in an instant I saw you flash before my eyes sitting next to me in the car waving your hand in front of me slapping my arm excitingly declaring “the red bugs are blooming! look! The redbuds are blooming!” With great joy on your face I laugh as you block my vision of the road I pushed your hand away and laugh and reply back “Yes I see them, they’re beautiful.”

I miss you today. I wish you were here. Grief is hard. But I’m so thankful it’s a feeling I get to feel. I’m thankful because it means that I was loved and that I loved deeply. I miss you so much. You would’ve loved today. Beautiful puffy clouds. The sunshine. It’s a perfect spring day.

I can’t wait to see you again one day. I imagine your mansion will be surrounded by red buds. Until heaven nana. Until heaven.

xoxo
Dawnya

At the root of it all

I went on a morning date with this handsome fella.

There is a long list about being a mommy I could make laced with what I call “mom guilt”. It’s a topic not talked about enough but it’s there. And I imagine no matter your little ones age it’s there trying to steal time and joy and strength. Guilt about all the things. Did I spend enough time with you? Did I give you enough attention? Am I teaching you enough? Did I spend our day correcting you too much? I shouldn’t have yelled. I should be more peaceful. More patient. More of everything and everyone else I compare myself too. But all of it is rooted in fear. Fear and worry. Am I enough for you? That’s the bottom line. But you know what? Simply you being born as my son is evidence that I’m more than enough for you. Not because I say so and certainly not because most days I even feel it. But because God entrusted you too me and in that I know He was confidently declaring that I AM says I am more than enough. All of me. The good. The bad and yes even the ugly. I’m learning right along side you and I’m starting to be ok with not being perfect for you. I’m starting to embrace that my weakness will add value to your life just as much as my strengths. You are one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given and instead of standing in a place of “I might mess this up” I’m going to on purpose stepping into “I’m more than enough,”. Not in my own strength but by His grace that says I’m more than enough.

And you too Mama, if your reading this and your heart relates, know that you are more than enough. All of you. .

Today we 🍩🍩🍩 and I loved every moment with just you baby boy.

New Beginnings

Do you ever find yourself in a position where you are having to make a fresh beginning but that really wasn’t your intention? Sometimes whether we choose to or not a fresh start or new beginning is staring down at us and we are left with little choice but to either take that first step or stand frozen in uncertainty. This blog. This fresh start, although not my intention to begin again is my new beginning. My first step and it begins here.

I had a website and a blog. One that I was proud of. One that I worked extremely hard to create and pave a way in unfamiliar territory but I let it go. Why? I find myself here asking the same question. If I would have paid the hosting bill last august or even the bill with the penalty fees in November I would still have that beautiful blog and website with all my work, all my photography posts displayed beautifully for visitors to see. But its gone. I did not pay the bill nor the penalty fees so my blog and website disappeared into the world-wide web abyss as I call it. All the posts and images I so diligently loaded and posted to share with the world are gone. I was informed yesterday that I would be unable to retrieve that work and I would in fact need to begin again. I felt an ache in my heart at the thought of all the work gone. It took me months to create it and hours upon hours of work after its debut to keep it up and running. Gone. But I allowed it to happen. Why?

I have been asking myself this question and have come up with multiple answers but there is only one at the root of it all. I am addicted to approval. I need affirmation and encouragement and a cheer section to continue with anything that is challenging. That’s the bottom line. I have found it difficult to walk in confidence and be able to affirm myself. Even more I have elevated the approval and opinions of others over Gods opinion of myself, my walk, my dreams, desires and destiny for far to long.

So today, I begin again. Uncertain of what the future holds. Uncertain of how this blog and website will look or where it will lead. But today I am confident of only one thing. That I am to take a step. I am to write. I am to share my story. I am to live a life of honesty and truth and reveal to the world what is behind the smile.

xx

Dawnya