Learning, growing and blooming! Always always 👏🏼🙌🏼🌱🌿💐🌻🌼🌸🌺
Recently I have fallen in love with learning how to say “I don’t know?” Anyone else?! It’s one of my favorite responses now.
“I don’t know?”
This answer usually highlights an area I need to grow in or learn more about. More powerfully it can release me from the responsibility of needing to have the answer. It allows a pause in any given situation. In a culture of “I want it now” the “I don’t know” answer slows things down long enough for us to think before we speak. Anyone else guilty of speaking before thinking?
Sometimes no response is us agreeing silently, an “I don’t know” vocalizes our uncertainty but neither places in agreement or disagreement. It says “I don’t have to be right” and “I do not need to have all the answers”.
Friends! Their is freedom in the “I don’t know”. Try it. I think you’ll like it
Look for the evidence mamas.
They may scream and cry and possibly hit or throw things. They may not litsten and glare at you. The days get cloudy sometimes but look for the evidence of truth.
You may find it in a smile, a giggle, a hug or a gentle “mommy you ok?” As you bury your head in your hands with tears streaming down your face. Look for the evidence that says your doing a good job. Look for the evidence that says your more than enough. Look for the evidence that says you are a good mom. Not perfect. But good.
Look for it friend. The evidence is there. I am sure of it. Today I’m looking for it and I found it in his smile and his snotty nose which he affectionately rubbed on my cheek because he wanted to be close.
|Stay at home Mama to three busy boys|
You Belong Here.
These words filled my heart and mind last Saturday evening and they are still making my heart pause and take note.
Last Saturday evening I went to a high class restaurant for dinner to celebrate my Mama in laws birthday. The kind of restaurant where you only hear the faint sounds of conversations and silverware wrestling in the background. Where the waitstaff are in suit and ties, the place setting is that of off a movie scene and the price of a steak is not questioned because you know it is going to be good.
High class restaurant and I wore ripped jeans. Ripped?
I felt beautiful ten minutes ago when we left the hotel room? What had changed?
An uneasiness settled over me with every passing guest dressed in a gown and slacks. My head started to fall, my eyes slowly found there way to the floor. Every smile shown my way I questioned.
“Right this way” the hostess lead and my heart grew more anxious.
Seated at our table with the most elegant place stettings my eyes still found it hard to make eye contact with the staff. Embarrassed by my ripped jeans and jean jacket a napkin was gently placed in my lap and I felt undeserving.
But then I herd His voice in my heart as clear as my father speaking encouragement into my deepest fears…
“You Belong Here.”
I looked up. As if I was looking for him to be standing there before me. And I smiled as I herd him say again but a bit gentler this time. “You Belong here.”
I felt my shoulders relax and my smile return. My head rose and my eyes no longer grazed the floor.
I belonged. No one had told me otherwise. I had decided it for myself. In my own thoughts. Wrapped up in my own fears and feelings of unworthiness I decided I did not belong.
“You Belong Here.”
That’s all it took. One word of truth and I was free. Free from shame. Free from worry. Free from fear.
May seem small but lies usually begin small. They are just as dangerous small as they are fully formed.
So the next time you find yourself shrinking back, looking down, convincing yourself your unworthy or even unwanted, stop and remind yourself, “You Belong Here”.
You absolutely Belong Here.
I miss you today. Today would’ve been the perfect day to take you on a drive. Grief is a difficult emotion. It’s sneaky. Some days it takes your breath away when you are least expecting it.
Redbuds were one of your favorites. Driving on the freeway and I saw a redbud tree in the distance blooming. Beautiful with a purple hue. I never understood why it’s called a redbud. And in an instant I saw you flash before my eyes sitting next to me in the car waving your hand in front of me slapping my arm excitingly declaring “the red bugs are blooming! look! The redbuds are blooming!” With great joy on your face I laugh as you block my vision of the road I pushed your hand away and laugh and reply back “Yes I see them, they’re beautiful.”
I miss you today. I wish you were here. Grief is hard. But I’m so thankful it’s a feeling I get to feel. I’m thankful because it means that I was loved and that I loved deeply. I miss you so much. You would’ve loved today. Beautiful puffy clouds. The sunshine. It’s a perfect spring day.
I can’t wait to see you again one day. I imagine your mansion will be surrounded by red buds. Until heaven nana. Until heaven.
I went on a morning date with this handsome fella.
There is a long list about being a mommy I could make laced with what I call “mom guilt”. It’s a topic not talked about enough but it’s there. And I imagine no matter your little ones age it’s there trying to steal time and joy and strength. Guilt about all the things. Did I spend enough time with you? Did I give you enough attention? Am I teaching you enough? Did I spend our day correcting you too much? I shouldn’t have yelled. I should be more peaceful. More patient. More of everything and everyone else I compare myself too. But all of it is rooted in fear. Fear and worry. Am I enough for you? That’s the bottom line. But you know what? Simply you being born as my son is evidence that I’m more than enough for you. Not because I say so and certainly not because most days I even feel it. But because God entrusted you too me and in that I know He was confidently declaring that I AM says I am more than enough. All of me. The good. The bad and yes even the ugly. I’m learning right along side you and I’m starting to be ok with not being perfect for you. I’m starting to embrace that my weakness will add value to your life just as much as my strengths. You are one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given and instead of standing in a place of “I might mess this up” I’m going to on purpose stepping into “I’m more than enough,”. Not in my own strength but by His grace that says I’m more than enough.
And you too Mama, if your reading this and your heart relates, know that you are more than enough. All of you. .
Today we 🍩🍩🍩 and I loved every moment with just you baby boy.